Episode Guide Season 9
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THE BUTTER SHAVE Season premiere
(Episode 157): Not fully recovered from "The Summer of George", George is using a cane to get around. Jerry might have another shot at NBC, through an appearance on a NBC Showcase that might lead to another pilot. He's also annoyed that lame comic Kenny Bania's act is working, only because he is following Jerry's act, a time-slot hit. Bania scores with big laughs & also gets one of Jerry's ex-girlfriends. George gets a job interview. Elaine is on vacation for a month in Europe with David Puddy. Kramer finds butter is a better protection for his skin after shaving. George is hired for the job because of his use of the cane -they think he is handicapped & of course he takes full advantage of the situation. Kramer's ends up spreading butter it all over his body. Unfortunately he lays out in the sun where he begins to cook. Newman finds the smell of a cooked Kramer appealing. Jerry is informed that Bania is going to follow him on the NBC showcase. Jerry plans to sabotage his own act, surmising that Kenny's act will also bomb, but Kenny gets the last laugh. Air Date: Sept. 25, 97
THE VOICE
(Episode 158): Since George's employer found out that he isn't really handicapped, his boss attempts to fire him. However his one year contract with Play Now states that as long as he shows up he'll be paid. Jerry & George mock the sounds that Jerry's girlfriend Claire's stomach makes during the night. Because of the "bump into" Jerry tells Elaine that she is destined to backslide into her relationship with David Puddy, she bets him that she won't. Kramer is tired of seeing all his ideas implemented by other people, so he hires an intern to take care of the day to day chores that keep him from realizing his ideas. No matter what the obstacle, George endeavors to occupy his office. Jerry tells Claire about the voice & she leaves him. Play Now tries to negotiate with George, but he won't give in. Later, he offers his office & one of their rubber balls to allow Kramer to test his oil tank bladder idea. Jerry continues to cash in on his bet with Elaine, who just can't seem to keep away from Puddy. The big test takes place at George's workplace where Jerry plans to meet Claire. They try to warn her about the falling oil-ball, but all she hears is the voice. The lawsuit that is filed by Claire puts Play Now out of business & George out of a his contract. Air Date: Oct. 2, 97
THE SERENITY NOW
(Episode 159): Frank is supposed to say "serenity now" to calm his blood pressure. Jerry's girlfriend comments that she has never seen him get mad. Kramer offers to help George fix his parent's screen door. They remove the old door & Kramer takes it with him. Frank is selling computers & wants to bring George into his business, however, George with be competing against Lloyd Braun. At his bar mitzvah, Lippman's boy takes advantage of Elaine by using his tongue while kissing her. When Jerry learns how to get mad, it releases all his other feelings, including caring which results in a wedding proposal to Elaine. Kramer installs the screen door & ends up fighting with the neighborhood kids of "Anytown, USA." Elaine's "shiksappeal" results in both Lippmans denouncing their religion. Lloyd tells George about the negative side effects of continually using the phrase "serenity now". George releases his own feelings infront of Jerry which has an impact on emotional Jerry. Elaine seeks help from a rabbi to see if she can reduce her "shiksappeal". The side effects of "serenity now" make Kramer lose-it & destroy all of George's computers. Air Date: Oct. 9, 97
THE BLOOD
(Episode 160): Jerry's parents are concerned about his lack of exercise. Elaine visits her friend Vivian and is disappointed when Vivian implies that she isn't responsible enough to watch her son Jimmy. George's girlfriend lights some vanilla scented incense. The overpowering scent makes him hungry. He decides he needs to add food as a part of his sex life. His girlfriend tolerates some food items, but not the "salted cured meats." He also comes up with a way to separate pudding skin from the pudding, creating pudding skin singles. Kramer has been storing his blood at a blood bank that begins to raise their rates. In retaliation he decides that he is going to store the blood himself. Jerry starts a purification program to improve his diet. Vivian decides that Kramer would be a good choice for a baby-sitter; however, Elaine intercepts him en-route and proves her responsibility. Jerry, becomes the victim of an Exacto knife wound and winds up with three pints of Kramer blood. Jerry is disturbed by the infusion of Kramer blood. Especially when Kramer calls him a blood brother. George decides that adding television to his equation will make food and sex even better. Jerry's parents buy him sessions with a personal trainer, Izzy, who's going to help him work off his spare tire. Elaine hates her new responsibility, so she tries to make herself appear irresponsible. George's girlfriend doesn't like television in the equation, the "free love buffet" is over. Elaine tries to get out of being responsible, by using George as a "pinch weasel"; however, he may have found the woman of his dreams. Kramer borrows Jerry's air conditioned car to return his blood to the bank. The car overheats because the radiator is bone dry, but not for long. Jerry's last workout with Izzy results in another transfusion of blood, only this time it's not Kramer's. Air Date 16 October 1997
THE JUNK MAIL
(Episode 161): Jerry's childhood friend "Fragile" Frankie promises to get Jerry a new car because of a show he did for Frankie's car dealership. George prepares for his weekly call to his parents. Kramer plans his revenge on a company because of the over abundance of catalogs they've sent him in the past month. Elaine is back with Puddy, but meets the man of her dreams at the diner and plans to keep Puddy in reserve until she finds out if the new guy can "handle the workload." Kramer gets deluged with more catalogs and plans to stop the mail. George's parents cut him short on his weekly phone call. Jerry gets a van and not the Saab he'd hoped for. Frankie reminds him of the childhood dream they had where they got a van a toured the country. George pops in on his parents and reminds his parent's they didn't call him back, but they have to leave right away. Kramer bricks up his mail box, but that doesn't stop his mail from being delivered. Jerry plans to sell the van, Kramer helps him out with the ad copy that cites interesting trades considered. Kramer goes to the post office to permanently cancel his mail. Newman confesses to him that no-one really needs their mail but that there is a greater conspiracy at work. George demands to know what's going on with his parents; they tell him they are cutting him loose. George isn't ready for abandonment, he plans to date his cousin as a means of getting his parents involved in his life. Jerry determines that the appeal Elaine finds in her new boyfriend comes from some old commercial that he appeared in. Kramer wants Jerry's van and offers Anthony Quinn's old tee-shirt as an interesting trade. Elaine wants Puddy back, but is rejected by him. Kramer uses the van to launch his anti-postal campaign. George's cousin is into their relationship; however, George schemes to have his parents catch him making out with her. Kramer is captured and enlightened by the postmaster general. Elaine's boyfriend gets his second piece of good news in one day, his TV career has been revitalized and she is taking him back. Jerry must sell the van after seeing what they saw. Air Date 30 October 1997.
THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW
(Episode 162): Kramer discovers the set of the old Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster. George's girlfriend, Miranda, is disgusted when George runs over some pigeons with his car. The pigeons have broken their deal with the humans. Jerry is fascinated with his girlfriend's old toy collection that she won't let him near. Elaine's new co-worker is a real sideler, he causes her to spill coffee that creates a stain that looks like Fidel Castro. Kramer reconstructs the set in his apartment and begins to conduct interviews of everyone who enters his apartment. Elaine schemes to out-sidle the sideler who might be sidling her out of a job. While George swerves to avoid a pigeon, he hits a squirrel. Jerry schemes for an opportunity to play with the toys. Kramer adds Newman as a co-host for his show to help relieve the pressure of being a host. Miranda insists that George pay for the special surgery required to fix the squirrel. Elaine gives Tic Tacs to the sideler to make him noisy, unfortunately the sound reminds Peterman of an old Haitian torture. Jerry and George execute a turkey, wine and home movie scheme in an effort to play with the toys. Elaine is disgusted by this unconscionable behavior, until she hears about the Easy-Bake Oven. Kramer decides to change the format of the show, to "Scandals and Animals." On the show, Jerry's girlfriend finds out about the schemes and animal expert Jim Fowler is there with a hawk. George brings the squirrel over to the set to get Jim Fowler's opinion. Hawks like to eat squirrels. Air Date 6 November 1997
THE SLICER
(Episode 163): Elaine is having nightmares and sleeplessness nights due to her neighbor's inconsideracy. The neighbor is out of the country and has left her alarm clock set for 3:30 a.m.. George gets a dream job at a very badly run company, his new boss seems familiar to him, then a photo in the boss's office reminds him of "the boom box incident." Fearing that he might lose his new position, George listens to Kramer's advice and plots to get hold of the photograph and get it retouched. Kramer's dissatisfied with the meat he is getting with his sandwiches, so he obtains a meat slicer. Kramer suggests Elaine that she short circuit her neighbor's apartment and blow the circuit breaker. Jerry is going to go out on a date with a doctor that Elaine recommended, but the date is annoying when the doctor can only talk about saving lives. The photo lab screws up the retouching by eliminating the boss from the photograph and not George. Jerry discovers the doctor is dermatologist. George recommends a carefully orchestrated revenge date. Kramer uses the meat slicer to help Elaine feed the neighbor's cat; the power outage shut off the automatic feeder. Jerry's revenge date goes well, until he is reminded of the phrase "skin cancer." Elaine is still using the slicer and finds it very handy, until she tries to even her high heels. George goes back to the photo shop to find they put the boss back in the photograph as a cartoon. He now needs to obtain a new bare-chested photo of his boss or find a new job, perhaps the Coast Guard. Jerry's doctor date would provide the perfect opportunity for him as she does skin cancer screenings. Elaine keeps the slicer problem from Kramer by threatening him with seeing some circus clowns. Later, Kramer goes to her apartment to pick up the slicer; she fixes it and quickly shoves it out the door. Kramer sees the dinged up blade and tries to get back into her apartment, but he takes the knob of the door. Jerry has developed an allergic reaction to something as hives have broken out on his neck. Elaine discovers she is trapped inside her apartment. Jerry goes down to George's workplace and confronts the doctor about his hives. She leaves and Kramer, in his white meat slicing coat, steps in as the skin cancer doctor and spots a growth on George's boss. George gets his bare-chested photo. Kramer wants to come clean about the growth; George tells him he will tell his boss to see another doctor. George's boss doesn't think it is a problem, a ten-year-old photo of him shows the mole, it hasn't changed. He also relates to George the story about the dumb guy on the beach with the boom box. He mentions to George (as others have) that he sure has lost a lot of hair in the past ten years. Despite all of that, he gets to keep the job. Later, the guys keep Elaine company as they wait for the locksmith to come and open her apartment. Air Date 13 November 1997
THE BETRAYAL
(Episode 164): All scenes in this episode are played in reverse order. Jerry, George and Elaine return from their trip to India that they don't want to talk about. Sue Ellen calls the wedding off and Nina doesn't want George or Jerry. George finds out that Jerry slept with Nina and Elaine slept with the groom. Kramer and FDR settle their score, a snowball with something extra. Jerry "schnapps" Elaine to find out why George is so bitter with him. Kramer tries to out wish FDR. Elaine, Jerry, George and Nina arrive in India, where Elaine discovers that the groom is someone she slept with and that they are the only people from the U.S. who are attending the ceremony. Kramer is angry at Newman because he didn't use his birthday wish to save Kramer from FDR. George "schnapps" Elaine to find out the secret Elaine is keeping about Jerry and Nina. Elaine buys tickets to India to spite Sue Ellen by showing up at her wedding. Kramer tries to get Newman to use his birthday wish to protect Kramer from Newman. Elaine finds that Jerry and Nina have just slept together. Elaine meets the parents of Sue Ellen's fiancé who try to convince her not to go to India for the wedding; after all they aren't even going. Jerry and Nina suffer an awkward pause in their conversation. Kramer confronts FDR about his birthday wish. Elaine's mail from India is an "unvitation" to Sue Ellen's wedding in India to someone whose name seems familiar to her. George asks Jerry to call Nina about setting them up on a date and realizes he must where his Timberlands every time he sees her. Jerry and George are walking down the street and they run into Nina and old girlfriend of Jerry's whom he never slept with. Kramer attends FDR's birthday and FDR gives him an evil eye right before blowing out the candles on his cake. Elaine receives an item in the mail from India. Two years earlier, Jerry tells George and Susan that Nina might be the one; Kramer nails FDR in the back of the head with a snowball; Elaine is dating an Indian man named Peter (Pinter). Eleven years earlier, new resident Jerry tells his neighbor across the hall, Kramer, that what's mine is yours. Air Date 20 November 1997
THE APOLOGY
(Episode 165): Jerry's girlfriend walks around his apartment naked; she even eats breakfast and plays Scrabble naked. An old friend of the gang named Jason is going through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and is currently working on step 9, where you make amends to individuals for past wrongs. George is anxious to receive Jason's apology for the humiliating neck-hole incident. Elaine is offended when her co-worker, Peggy, can't tolerate Elaine's germs, but easily tolerates the germs of other people. Kramer discovers he's been taking too long in the shower, so he tries to make some changes to his shower routine. Jerry comes to realize there is good naked and bad naked, when he sees his girlfriend coughing. Jason stops by the restaurant to apologize to Jerry, but fails to apologize to George. George confronts him later, only to be humiliated some more. Kramer changes don't work out, so he asks for advice from Jerry and observes the men in the shower at a health club. Elaine confronts Peggy and gives her some germs. George tells Jerry how he can show his girlfriend the concept of bad naked using a belt sander. Kramer decides to live in the shower. George talks to Jason's sponsor, who recommends that he attend a meeting, only it's not AA, it's Rage-oholics Anonymous (RA). Jerry executes George's plan. After doing his dishes in the shower, Kramer decides he needs to add a garbage disposal to bathtub. Kramer calls on Puddy for installation advice. Elaine tells Jerry one of the problems with his body and why a naked male body isn't attractive. Puddy tells Elaine why her co-worker doesn't like her germs, she's a "germ-o-phobe," like he used to be ten years ago. He accompanies Elaine on a visit to Peggy to prove his theory. Jerry convinces his girlfriend to put on her clothes; however, he can only picture her naked and unfortunately she can only do the same with him. Kramer cooks up a meal that he serves to Elaine, Puddy and the recovering Peggy, only they all react badly when they find out the kitchen was in the shower. Jason tries to apologize to George, but it isn't quite what George had in mind so they both go into a rage. Air Date 11 December 1997
THE STRIKE
(Episode 166): George, Elaine and Jerry attend Tim Whatley's Hanukkah party. Jerry meets an attractive woman with whom he sets up a date. Elaine meets a man in a bad denim vest and gives him her fake number. George is offended by Whatley's gift to him, a donation in his name to a charity. George is also reminded of the Festivus holiday his father created many years ago. Elaine's quest to become a submarine captain and get her free sub sandwich is ruined when she realizes she used her punch card at the party to give her fake number to the denim vested guy. Kramer gets word he can return to his job at the bagel place, it seems he has been on strike for the past 12 years. Elaine goes to the place, an off-track betting parlor, that her fake number reaches. She wanted to give them her real number, so when the denim vest guy calls, she can connect with him. The men at the parlor are interested in connecting with her, so she gives the number for the bagel shop where Kramer is working. Jerry meets his date, Gwen, at a restaurant, but it turns out she is two-faced. Sometimes Gwen looks great, other times she's plain; it all depends on the viewer's angle and the lighting. George decides to use the Whatley approach when giving out Christmas gifts at Krugers; however, he makes up his own charity called the "Human Fund." Kramer is intrigued by the concept of the Festivus holiday and contacts Frank, who becomes excited at the prospect of rekindling "Festivus for the rest-of-us." Kramer asks to get the 23rd of December off, when he can't get it, he resumes the strike; meanwhile Elaine waits at the bagel place for a phone call from the denim vest guy. The look of Jerry's girlfriend keeps changing and he decides that she looks best in the back booth at Monk's, something she grows to dislike. George passes out his gifts at Krugers and reaps great rewards. Kramer warns Elaine about the sabotage he committed, the bagel place becomes very steamy and makes Elaine look ugly. Kruger gives George a check for donates $20,000 to the "Human Fund" and later accounting informs him the charity doesn't exist. Gwen finds out from Kramer that Jerry is seeing another woman, Kramer has seen her and she's not Gwen. Gwen thinks Jerry is two timing her with an ugly woman. George tries to convince Kruger that he passed out the fake gift cards because he didn't want to be ridiculed for the holiday his family traditionally celebrates, Festivus. To prove it, George brings Kruger to his father's Festivus dinner, where everyone comes together. Air Date 18 December 1997
THE DEALERSHIP
(Episode 167): Jerry plans to buy a car with an insider deal from Puddy, who's been promoted to a car salesman. George warns Jerry to watch out for car dealers. Kramer takes the car Jerry is planning to buy for a test drive with another salesman. Elaine returns from a lunch with Puddy at Arby's. Puddy offers Jerry a "high five." Kramer misses the turn to go back to the dealership; instead, he plans to give the car a full test of a Kramer daily routine. Hungry, George seeks out something to eat and must settle for a vending machine candy bar. Only he can't get one from the machine with a crinkled dollar so he asks a mechanic (who he knows has a crisp dollar) for assistance and is refused service. Finally, when he gets the correct change, the Twix bar hangs. With his errands run, Kramer's next test is to take the car to the limits of its fuel tank. Irritated (when isn't he), George seeks assistance from a salesman. When they return to the machine, the Twix bar George had hanging and the one behind it are gone. George suspects the mechanic. Elaine and Puddy have a fight and break up. Jerry's insider deal is off. George confronts the mechanic. Jerry wants George to help him get a good deal; however, George is only interested in getting back at the mechanic. The car salesman riding with Kramer really gets into driving below empty. George tries to complain about the mechanic, but gets into a debate about candy bars. In an attempt to get a great deal on his car, Jerry tries to put Elaine and Puddy "in a relationship today." George sets up a candy bar lineup, to implicate the mechanic, only to find his lineup being eaten. Elaine and Puddy get back together and Jerry is going to get his deal, until Puddy says "high five me" to Jerry, one time too many. Kramer and the salesman, with the dealership in sight, decide instead to go for it. Air Date 8 January 1998
THE REVERSE PEEPHOLE
(Episode 168): Puddy is wearing what can only be described as a "man fur." Jerry and Elaine leave it to George to sniff them out a deal on a massage chair, for an apartment warming gift for their friend Joe Mayo. Elaine doesn't like Joe's parties, because he always gives his guests an assignment. Kramer and Newman are going to reverse the peepholes on their doors. The landlord wants to evict Newman, because he is an agitator. Jerry decides to go wallet-less. George is opposed to the idea, he keeps everything in his wallet. Jerry, George, Elaine and "man furred" Puddy go to the party and get their assignments. Elaine, who is in charge of the coats, decides to throw "Dr. Zauis" (Puddy's coat) out the window. Kramer comes to Newman's defense with the landlord. Joe Mayo has the same kind of coat that Puddy had, so he wants Elaine to replace the coat, after all she was in charge. George complains about back problems that Jerry attributes to the size of his wallet. The massage chair gets delivered to George's apartment. Wallet-less Jerry must carry all his girlfriend's stuff, when they go out on their date. Newman admits to Kramer that he is sleeping with the landlord's wife. Kramer and Newman find Puddy's coat hanging in a tree. Jerry complains about carrying all his girlfriend's stuff and Elaine tells him about Peterman's small men's carry-all. "It's not a purse, it's European." Elaine decides she is out of the gift, if she has to replace the coat. George is enjoying the new chair and lies about getting the chair. Elaine finds out that Newman has Puddy's coat and she invites Newman to her apartment. Despite Elaine's come-ons, Newman won't give up the coat, he has given it to the landlord's wife. The landlord confronts Kramer, when he discovers the fur coat. Kramer says that it belongs to Jerry, because he is one of those insecure entertainers. Kramer convinces Jerry to wear the coat in front of the landlord. George continues to lie about the receiving the gift. Jerry drops out of the gift, when he finds out that Joe Mayo didn't like the music he provided at last year's party. Kramer was never in the gift, he just thought it was a good idea for a gift, he doesn't even know Joe Mayo. George will be able to return the chair, after he has the receipt in his wallet. Out on the street, George's wallet explodes. Jerry goes out on the street in the fur coat, where his "purse" is stolen and the landlord finds out the truth about the coat. Puddy gets a new coat. Air Date 15 January 1998
THE CARTOON
(Episode 169): Kramer's brutal honesty, gets Jerry in trouble with Susan's old college roommate, Sally Weaver. Elaine obsesses over the meaning of a cartoon that appears in The New Yorker. Elaine and later Kramer comments that George's new girlfriend looks a lot like Jerry. In fact Kramer says "just because they look-a-like, that doesn't mean you're (George) secretly in love with Jerry." Jerry confronts Kramer's frankness. Sally claims that Jerry has ruined her life, she's quitting the business, Jerry can't have that on his conscience, he talks her back into the business. Kramer makes an important life decision, the only way to keep his mouth shut, is to stop talking. Before he finally stops talking, Kramer's constant references to the looks of George's girlfriend, drives George out of Jerry's apartment. Elaine goes to The New Yorker to seek an explanation for the cartoon. Discovering that the editor didn't understand the cartoon either, he liked the kitty. Sally opens her new one woman show about "Jerry Seinfeld- the Devil." Elaine's complaint, gets her the opportunity to do her own cartoon for the magazine. Jerry confronts Sally about the content of her show. Newman is her biggest fan; finally, he can see a "show that is about something." Kramer discovers the disadvantages of not talking. George worries about why he really likes his girlfriend. A clip of Sally's show appears on channel 9 news, it features Jerry's latest confrontation with her. Elaine works all-night on her first cartoon, it is okay, but it is not the gem that Elaine thinks it is. Jerry calls Sally and the message he leaves on her answering machine appears in her show as well. Later the lawsuit he filed appears in her cable special. Jerry decides to cut off all communication with Sally. Elaine's first comic appears in The New Yorker. Peterman thinks it is a great cartoon, until he realizes it is a Ziggy and he can prove it -- "Quick Elaine, to my archives." George and his girlfriend discuss their relationship, until she gets gum in her hair. Sally starts talking to the silent Kramer, until he can't take it anymore. He tells her to shut-up, then he apologizes and says that he hasn't spoken for days. Sally tells him to lay it on her. To remove the gum from her hair, George's girlfriend cuts her hair, her new hairstyle looks exactly like Jerry's. George runs out of the apartment screaming. Elaine tells Jerry about the Ziggy incident. Ziggy responds to The New Yorker. Sally's new cable show is about to come on and Jerry is convinced she'll have nothing to talk about. He was so wrong. George decides to take a few days off from his relationship with Jerry. Air Date 29 January 1998
THE STRONG BOX
(Episode 170): George tries to break up with his girlfriend, Maura, only she doesn't agree. Jerry has purchased cuff links worn by Jerry Lewis in Cenderfella. He plans to use them as a conversation starter with Lewis, when he goes to an upcoming roast at the Friar's Club. Having the same first name, isn't enough. Elaine is intrigued by a man of mystery that she has met. Jerry suggest perhaps he is a super-hero. With robberies occurring in the building, Kramer has obtained a strong box to hold his valuables. He needs to find a place to hide his key. A place that no one knows, except him. His first place doesn't work. George lays out all of the reasons that they should be officially broken up, Maura still doesn't agree "to turn the key." Elaine gives up on her mystery man, when he runs from a woman that Elaine deduces is his wife. She returns to Jerry's apartment to find that his intercom is broke. So she shouts to him from the street, about the mystery man, while she waits for the opportunity to get into his building. Jerry inspects his intercom, only to find Kramer's strong box key hidden inside. Kramer hides his key again. Jerry finds the key again and decides to go down to let George in. While down stairs, a neighbor who's forgotten his key and is unknown to Jerry, asks to be let in. Jerry denies him entry. Elaine goes to the mystery man's shabby apartment and discovers he is poor and on welfare. The woman he ran from is his welfare case worker. Jerry discovers the keyless neighbor, does in fact live in his building, on the 5th floor in apartment 5E (!) right next door to Kramer. Elaine tells Jerry about her mystery man's super powers. George decides that cheating on Maura might be his ticket out. Kramer lets Phil, Jerry's "new" neighbor, keep his parrot in the hallway. Kramer also hides his key at Phil's. Glenn takes Elaine on a date in the alley. Jerry needs his cufflinks for the roast, only to find out that Kramer has locked them in his strong box. The key to the strong box, was hidden in the parrot's food dish, only now the parrot is dead (from food poisoning) and buried in a pet cemetery. George tries getting caught with the other woman, only they both agree that they can work with George through this incident. Elaine discovers that Glenn is, in fact, married. Kramer and Jerry go to the pet cemetery to exhume the key, only Jerry is caught by his neighbor. George asks what's in the cooler (strong box) as he easily opens it up. Air Date 05 February 1998
THE WIZARD
(Episode 171): Jerry buys his dad a $200 Wizard organizer for a birthday present. George receives a message from Susan's parents, the Rosses. Jerry and George debate about the race of Elaine's new boyfriend and that intrigues her (is he black?). George returns the call from the Rosses; the Foundation is having an event this weekend, but George can't attend, he has to close on his house in the Hamptons. Kramer announces his retirement, a Hollywood big shot has optioned his coffee table book about coffee tables. Elaine finds evidence that leads her to believe her boyfriend is black. Susan's parents see George on the street in the city, during the time he is supposed to be in the Hamptons. Jerry is woken up early in the morning at his parent's house and gives his father the "$50" organizer that has many features besides a tip calculator. Later he discovers that Kramer has moved down there, to join the other retirees. Elaine laughs when Susan's parents ask her about George's house in the Hamptons. Of course, George just builds on the lie. Morty, who can't run for president of the condo association, decides that Kramer should run for condo board president of Del Boca Vista phase III. He will Elaine schemes to try to determine her boyfriend's race. George finds out the Rosses knew that he lied. He decides to take them to the Hamptons, to "see who'll blink first." Kramer begins his campaign and the Boca Breeze has good things to say about him (see NOTE:). When Elaine's boyfriend says they are an interracial couple, she is convinced he is black. George, keeps building on his lie, as he picks up the Rosses and takes them on their ride to the Hamptons. Kramer receives some bad press from the Boca Breeze; it's damage control time. Kramer suggests buying each member of the board one of those Wizard tip calculators. Jerry knows he can't get the deal he told his father he'd received, but Kramer says not to worry, Bob Saccamando's father lives down here and can help them out. Elaine and her boyfriend discover that each is not the race they thought the other was. Saccamando's father comes through with knock-off tip calculators called Willard, they are defective and the election is lost. George and the Rosses reach the Hamptons, where the truth wins out. Air Date 26 February 1998
THE BURNING
(Episode 172) Because of the presets she discovers on his car radio, Elaine thinks that Puddy is religious. The first idea George presents at a Kruger project meeting goes over great, his follow up suggestion isn't as well received. Jerry suggests that George use the old showmanship trick of leaving on a high note. Elaine tells George and Jerry about her suspicions; George suggests that she reset his radio presets as a test. Kramer and Mickey get an acting gig playing sick for some medical students. Jerry's girlfriend, Sophie, calls him with the familiar "it's me" greeting only he doesn't recognize her voice. George leaves a Kruger meeting on a high note. For their acting job, Mickey gets bacterial meningitis and Kramer has gonorrhea. Elaine confirms that Puddy is religious. Kramer picks up on the showmanship idea and really plays up his gonorrhea part. Sophie leaves an "it's me" message on Jerry's answering machine. George suggest he call her back with the "it's me" greeting. Sophie doesn't recognize Jerry's voice and thinks he is someone else; Jerry discovers that she hasn't told him about the tractor story. Puddy doesn't have a problem with Elaine not being religious, after all he is not the one who's "going to hell." George and Jerry speculate on what the tractor story is. Elaine begins to worry about going to hell. Kruger throws everyone off the project because they are boring, so now George is the only other member of the project team. Kramer receives rave reviews for his portrayal of gonorrhea, but now he feels he has been typecast. Jerry sees a scar on Sophie's leg and assumes it was from a tractor accident. George finds that he has to do all the actual work on the project as Kruger keeps making excuses and doesn't do any actual work. Puddy wants Elaine to steal a paper, after all she is already going to hell and he doesn't seem to care. Kramer takes Mickey's ailment. Elaine and Puddy seek the advice of a priest about where their relationship is going. Sophie tries to tell Jerry the tractor story, but he tells her not to worry about it. Kramer and Mickey come in arguing about getting gonorrhea and Sophie clears it up for both of them. With that, Jerry leaves on a high note. Meanwhile, back at the project meeting, Kruger decides to leave George on a high note. Aire Date 19 March 1998
THE BOOKSTORE
(Episode 173): Kramer "hangs-out" more than usual at Jerry's place. Jerry and George are at a bookstore where George hopes to meet women and Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting. George takes a large book into the bathroom with him. Elaine is at the annual Peterman party, where everyone is anxious to know if she is going to dance again and when. The bookstore makes George buy the book that he took into the bathroom. Elaine didn't dance at the party instead she and a man named Zach got drunk and made out at their table. George suggests that she tell everyone that she and Zach are dating, that way she won't be known as the "office skank." Kramer and Newman plan to implement Kramer's idea for running a rickshaw service in the city. They are getting a rickshaw from Hong Kong, now they need to find someone to pull it. Jerry confronts Uncle Leo about the stolen book. Uncle Leo claims it is a right as a senior citizen. Elaine catches her man with another woman. Kramer and Newman attempt to interview potential rickshaw pullers from a collection of homeless men; however, their first candidate takes off with the rickshaw. George tries to return his book, but is told the book has been flagged as having been in the bathroom. Jerry rats out Uncle Leo at the bookstore. erry talks with his parents about Uncle Leo's theft and finds out about his prior, the crime of passion of which his mother will not tell him the details. His parents also inform him of the senior approach; it is not stealing if you need it. Elaine plans to use the cheating angle to protect her reputation. Jerry tries to talk with Uncle Leo, but the only thing Uncle Leo tells him is that he never forgets when he's been betrayed. George discovers his book has been flagged in all the databases as a bathroom book. Elaine's plan goes awry when Peterman demands that she help Zach get off the "yam yam" by helping him to quit cold turkey. Jerry has a nightmare about Uncle Leo. Newman and Kramer discover where the rickshaw is and Kramer loses the contest to determine who will pull the other. George tries to donate his book to charity, but even they won't take the marked book. When Kramer gets tired pulling Newman in the rickshaw up a hill and lets it go, the results are disastrous for Elaine's recovered "boyfriend" Zach. George plans to steal a good copy of the book, so he can return it to get his money back. Just as Jerry finds out from the manager that the manager has been told that the store needs to make a good example out of a shoplifter, any shoplifter, as long as they catch him in the act. Air Date 9April 1998
THE FROGGER
(Episode 174): Confronted with cake from two separate birthday celebrations. She is tired of the forced socializing, so she calls in the sick the following day. Jerry & George are going to their old high-school hangout for one last slice of pizza. Kramer was at the police station where he obtained some caution tape used for crime scenes and also hears about a serial killer that is on the loose in the Riverside Park area. At the pizza parlor, George discovers he still has the high score on the old Frogger video game. Elaine's co-workers give her a cake to celebrate her return to work from being sick, she refuses to take part in any future celebrations. Jerry goes out with Elaine's friend Lisi, but she is a "sentence finisher, it's like dating Mad-Libs." George decides to by the Frogger machine, but Jerry asks him how he is going to move it and keep it plugged in to preserve the high score. (This pizza parlor has never had a blackout in all that time? Sometimes with sitcoms, we must suspend reality. Kramer discovers the last victim of the serial killer looked a lot like Jerry. George works to find a solution to his Frogger problem and Kramer volunteers the help of a man he knows named "Slippery Pete." Elaine misses the 4 o'clock sugar rush she had gotten used to from all the celebrations, so she decides to raid Peterman's refrigerator, where she finds a piece of cake. She finds out from Peterman that the piece of cake he has in his refrigerator is worth $29,000 because of its historical significance. The cake comes from the 1937 wedding of King Edward VIII. Jerry is looking to breakup with Lisi, but discovers that she lives in Riverside Park area. To avoid the serial killer, he takes Lisi back to his place where she finishes one of his thoughts that takes their relationship to the next level. Elaine tells Jerry and George about the cake and she also tells Jerry that Lisi is planning a weekend trip for them to Pennsylvania Dutch country. Jerry fears that Lisi received the wrong message as that kind of a trip is for a serious relationship. Elaine tries to even out Peterman's slice of cake, but gets swept up in the moment and finishes it off. George tries to coordinate the movement of Frogger machine. Elaine looks for a replacement for Peterman's cake, Kramer suggests an Entemann's cake. Jerry goes to Lisi's apartment, where he tries to break up with her. It goes on for ten hours, when he is ready to leave he discovers it is dark out. After exiting her apartment, he sees a man whom he fears is the serial killer and pleads to be let back in. Peterman has his piece of cake appraised at $2.19. When George finds "Slippery Pete" playing his Frogger game on battery power; it is discovered there only about three minutes of power remaining. The only available power source is across the busy street and Kramer has run out of caution tape. It's up to George to get the Frogger machine across the street; however there is no chance of a high score in this game. Later, Peterman shows Elaine surveillance videotape of her eating and "dancing" with the slice of cake; he is convinced that the age of the cake and its effect on her digestive system are all the punishment she needs. Air Date 23 April 1998
THE MAID
(Episode 175): George searches for a nickname and decides on "T-bone". Jerry has hired a maid to clean his apartment. Elaine suspects there is more than cleaning going on. Kramer's girlfriend is moving downtown (10 minutes by subway) to a different way of life. Kramer tells Elaine he is having a fax sent to her apartment, only Elaine informs him that she doesn't have a fax machine. George makes a play for being called "T-bone" at work, but a coworker gets the honor. Elaine gets home to find 57 messages waiting for her, most of them the fax machine trying to deliver Kramer's fax. Elaine catches Jerry kissing the maid. Jerry confesses that he has a personal and work relationship with his maid named Cindy. Kramer's girlfriend is gone and he tells Elaine that he signed up for a food delivery service. They're going to fax him menus for all the restaurants for the next year. Elaine gets a new number and with it a new area code, she really wanted a "changed" number. Kramer and his girlfriend have a relationship by phone. George finds out about Jerry and his maid. Elaine tries to give out her new number to a guy, but the new area code scares him off. George wants his nickname and confronts his coworker, Kruger sees George's gestures through a window and it reminds him of "Koko the Monkey." Elaine finds out a woman in her building has died, she had a telephone number with a 212 area code. When Cindy takes her fee but leaves without cleaning anything, Jerry wonders what he's paid for. Kramer calls him "a john". George and Jerry swap information on their respective situations at Monk's counter. Kramer returns from visiting his girlfriend and reports the oddities he saw there. The gang tries to communicate while sitting at Monk's counter. Jerry's maid tells George that there is woman at the cleaning service named Coco. George sees this as an opportunity to get out from under this nickname. Jerry breaks up with and fires Cindy. Elaine gets the dead woman's number and receives her first phone call from the woman's grandson who hasn't been told she's dead. Kramer breaks up with his girlfriend and she throws him out. He gets lost downtown and calls on Jerry for help. While going to rescue Kramer, Jerry is confronted by his Cindy's pimp-like boss. He says that Jerry must pay Cindy. Elaine convinces the grandson that his grandma is dying, the boy calls 911. Jerry spots Cindy walking down the street and tries to pay her but gets busted by the police. Elaine's door is broken down by the fire department. Cindy's boss picks up Kramer and it might lead to a new career in cleaning. George gets out from under being "Koko," only to get another nickname, "Gammy." Air Date 30 April 1998
THE PUERTO RICAN DAY
(Episode 176): The gang tries to get back into town after leaving the Mets game early in the 8th inning, the Mets are down 8 - 0. On the highway they run into trouble with a maroon Volkswagen Golf. George comments on a new movie he saw about the Hindenburg disaster and the clever comment he made during a quiet moment after the explosion. As they approach 5th Avenue traffic slows down and music can be heard, they realize they have forgotten about the Puerto Rican day parade. Elaine worries about getting home and seeing 60 Minutes as part of her weekend wind down. Kramer spots a way out if Jerry can worm his way over to the right. They almost make it over until they reencounter the maroon Golf. Elaine bails out of the car to find alternate transportation. George bails out of the car when he spots a theater screening the Hindenburg movie; he decides he wants to repeat his glory. Elaine decides the cab she hired isn't working, so she bails out of the cab, only to have it start moving again and again. George's attempt to be funny at the movie is going to be undermined by a guy with one of those funny laser pointers. Kramer suggests that he and Jerry abandon his car. The laser pointer guy (a lousy prop comic) gets all the laughs as George's line bombs and he is humiliated. Kramer cuts a deal with the maroon Golf they are go to get access to the short cut when Jerry makes an apology wave. George returns to the car with the red dot of a laser pointer appearing all over parts of his body. Jerry rescinds his apology wave just as he is about to pull in the alley; Elaine arrives back at the same spot in her cab. Jerry's apartment is seen, but no one is home. Elaine seeks an alternate way home. Kramer seeks a bathroom. Elaine works her way over to the parade route and looks for a way across. She leads a group of people on an escape route underneath a reviewing stand, Kramer spots an apartment for sale and poses as H.E Pennypacker, a wealthy industrialist, to get access to a bathroom. When he gets back he tells Jerry about the Mets game. Soon after, Kal Varnsen (Jerry's alias), is looking at the television in the apartment. George spots the laser guy and plans a sneak attack. Elaine's route leads to a dead end. George grabs what he thinks is the laser pointer and gets ink all over his hands. Kramer accidentally sets the Puerto Rican flag on fire and a mob of people, led by the armoire stealing tough guys. Art Vandelay seeks the use of a bathroom to clean the ink off his hands and runs into Varnsen. Pennypacker joins them on the run from the mob. Varnsen wants know who's watching the Saab factory. The mob is watching it; however, they leave it in a precarious position. Air Date 7 May 1998
THE CLIP SHOW
(Episode 177, 178): Jerry, Elaine, George & Kramer plan to go to the movie, but Jerry takes out a little time to look at nine years of memories. Featuring relationships (getting in & out), finally the closing minutes feature a series of bloopers. Air Date 14 May 1998
THE FINALE part 1
(Episode 179): Jerry and George discuss the movies and George's desire to get his fifteen minutes of fame. Kramer is off to the beach. Elaine calls a friend, whose father is in the hospital, with her cell phone; Jerry and George tell her that is a social faux pas. Jerry gets a message from NBC that they want to talk about the pilot. So Jerry and George go to meet with the new vice president of programming, who is interested in turning their pilot into a 13 episode series. Jerry and George begin to make plans to move to California. Jerry interrupts Elaine's phone call to her friend to tell her about the NBC deal. When he finds out what she did, he tells her that was an even greater faux pas than the cell phone. Jerry and George's parents are excited by the news about the NBC deal. NBC offers Jerry & George a perk, free use of one of their private jets to anywhere they want. Kramer returns from the beach, but has a little bit of water trapped in his ear. Kramer warns they'll never come back from LA, "she's a seductress". Hey! He did. The foursome decides where they want to take the private jet. They finally decide on Paris. As they are ready to leave, Elaine plans to call her friend again; Jerry tells her it is not right to rush that kind of phone call. Elaine avoids a faux pas. Newman begs to be brought along, when Jerry denies him, he vows to be there at Jerry's day of reckoning. The private jet, except for George who wanted the one Ted Danson would have gotten impresses everyone. With water still in his ear, Kramer tries to get it out mid-flight. He stumbles into the cockpit and the plane starts going into a crash dive. During the descent, George confesses he cheated during "the contest" and Elaine and Jerry are about to tell each other something important, when the plane corrects itself. The plane puts down in the small town of Latham, Massachusetts for a checkup. The foursome goes into town and debates about if they are going to get back on the plane. They witness the robbery of a fat guy, which they all mock and Kramer videotapes. They are arrested under the Good Samaritan law established by the town. They are looking at a fine of a maximum of $85,000 and up to five years in prison. The guard assumes they are going to be prosecuted since this is the first offense of this kind in the country. Jackie Chiles is called in for their defense. The prosecution decides to look into the past of these four and build a case that will destroy their characters. Rivera Live covers the trial. Jerry and George's parents prepare to go to Latham for the trial. Newman (who's absolutely delighted), Uncle Leo, Peterman, Puddy, Mickey, Bania, Mr. & Mrs. Ross, Rabbi Glickman, Keith Hernandez and George Steinbrenner also make their way to Latham. Jackie tries to give George a moral compass. The judge, Arthur Vandelay, begins the trial. George thinks the name might be a good sign. The trial begins with opening arguments. Air Date 14 May 1998
THE FINALE part 2
(Episodes 180): The videotape Kramer made is played for the jury. When the NBC executives arrive, George forgets about the trial for a moment and complains loudly about the plane. The prosecution begins to call their witnesses. Each witness called does more to breakdown the character of the foursome. The first witness is the elderly woman that Jerry stole the marble rye from. The virgin, Marla, is called to the stand and she tells the court about the foursome's contest. Further testimony is given by the bubble boy. The woman who needed a handicapped spot. The doctor who was on duty the night Susan died. Sidra, the woman with no implants. Mr. Bookman, the library cop. George's former girlfriend Robin, whose apartment caught on fire. The security guard from the parking garage. A detective from when Kramer was dressed like a pimp. The low-talker tries to testify (only she can't be heard). Steinbrenner talks about calzone and George's communism. The man who runs the cock-fights. The pharmacist who sold Elaine a case of contraceptive sponges. A co-worker tells about Elaine's Christmas card. Mr. Pitt tells about when Elaine tried to kill him with a pillow. The soup-nazi takes the stand and finally Babu Bhatt returns to the US to tell about the cafe and his deportation. They are "very, very, bad." Rivera Live reports that the jury is in deliberation. Meanwhile, the foursome speculates on life in prison. Estelle tries to bribe the judge to be lenient on George if he's found guilty. A montage of activity is shown while the jury is in deliberation, that includes people we didn't see testifying like the Rabbi, Wilhelm, Keith Hernandez, Bania, Peterman, Puddy, Newman, Mr. Lippman, Poppie, Mr. Ross browsing for a handgun and ends with Jackie Chiles "cross-examining" Sidra outside the courtroom. The jury comes back. Jerry asks Elaine what she was going to say to him on the plane as it was crashing. She responds, "I always loved U-United Airlines". The jury returns a verdict of guilty. The foursome show no remorse as they are sentenced to a year in jail. Jackie testifies to Jerry about Sidra's lack of implants. Jerry closes with a prison-based monologue. Air Date 14 May 1998